Cyclic Steam

This morning I went off on a little tangent that led me to  an adorable yet poignant video of "The Little Engine That Could."  After watching it twice, I found half a dozen life lessons that would pertain to single moms, but I think the most touching lesson is not that the little engine "thought she could" but that she WANTED to. She stopped and listened to the plight of the train of cars, piled with good intentions but that ran out of steam. In her desire to help, she also learned something very important for her own self esteem; that you must try first to succeed.
I was going through my newsfeed on facebook

when I came across a poster that someone shared that read: "It's not who you are that holds you back, its who you think you're not."  I was inspired to write about this, as this seems to currently be something that i am struggling with right now.  I am starting with a company that I believe in, yet I feel that I am lacking in the skills in some areas that would stop me from being successful.  And the word "stop" seemed important to reflect upon.  What stops me and why?  Am I afraid to fail?  Am I afraid to even try because of this fear of failure? It reminded me so much of a book from my childhood, "The Little Engine That Could."  But to be honest with you, I couldn't remember the entire story so I wanted to read it again!  So I looked online and came across a video of the book.
The first time I viewed it, the black stuffy engine that didn't want to help the train of cars reminded me of corporate America's mentality where people don't help others unless there is some gain in it for them.
  "Its not my business to pull a little nobody like you," he snorts. "I pull finer trains than you!"  I know we want to dwell on these "nasty big engines" and talk about the nasty people we have come across,  but lets stay focused for a moment! Lets give attention where attention is due.
Here is a train full of good intentions that has broken down!  The most powerful engine won't help her.  Along comes a weaker engine who wines " I know I can't" and he doesn't!!   But then comes the little blue engine.  She notices all the toys in the cars, she sees the good intention of the train of cars, and she stops to help..  She wants to at least try!!
So I think the moral for me at this point in my life, as I relate to the train full of good intentions, is to pick friends and cohorts wisely.  The friends that listen when listening is all they can give, the new friends that support me in my new venture and say "I believe in you" and "hang in there!" are the ones we want to tap into, and in return be that person for someone else.  We want to be hopeful and represent hope for someone else.   I want to say that its very important to have a support system when we run out of steam.  And its never a better time to build that support system.  Heres to all you little blue engines who make the mountains of life easier.Thank you!!  Here's to all the moms that have their good intentions and are tired or financially broke or both.  Hang in there.   I believe in you!!

Now,  as a treat, take a 14 minute break,  grab your favorite beverage, put your feet up, and discover a lost little book from your childhood.

http://youtu.be/8EhpqcXoxGI 

The Tribe of Sisterhood

I just got back from a girls getaway and I have so many thoughts to share.  Its so important to have a support group that you can be real with.  Not only is this a time to vent and get sympathy but also see yourself in a different and refreshing light.  And when you get a tribe of women together that are real with each other, be prepared to learn something about how to cope and thrive.
On our trip, I think the first hurdle was to let go of all the stress in our lives so that we could have fun.  The stress release required frantic phone calls and strenuous exercise in the mornings.  Then it was well-deserved play time.  It is so important to give yourself a break from all the things you worry about.  As single parents it is difficult not to worry about finances, our kids education, and our relationships.  But we need to  find moments in our lives when we can turn off the inner voice and relax and have fun.
You know you have an empowering group of sisters when you can  tell eachother about about your struggles as moms and as significant others and about how you feel about your bodies.
During our coffee clutch one morning, it was a poignant moment when we started taking pictures together and we promised not to post anything unless everyone liked the picture.  So many negative thoughts about personal image came up from all of us.  We shook our heads, not that picture because we looked horrible, fat, ghastly, ugly.   And we really had to look hard at why we were all so negative about ourselves.  I truly believe that humans need to be around other humans...we are social creatures.  It is revealing and affirming to see our reflection through a friends eyes, to hear how beautiful we are inside and out and why we are thought to be beautiful.
After affirmations from friends, we brainstormed on how to turn off these negative thoughts.  One friend said that she learned that the first step is to catch yourself having a negative thought, then overzealous praise should immediately happen  for catching that thought at that moment). Then distract yourself from that thought immediately: think of something else, do something else, or notice something that will take your mind off of your negative thought.    Once it becomes a habit, negative thoughts diminish. It was a great free therapy session!
In our crazy stressful worlds, do not forget girl time.  It is fun, affirming and empowering.    Peace

Get Up!!! Get Up!!

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass... get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

This is officially my first blog and the beginning of writing and inspiring women to take affirmative action towards happiness and being who you were meant to be.  Lets start at the beginning.
I think most of us look at others for our own value.  If we have a successful marriage, if our kids go on to be successful adults, if we have amazing relationships with our parents and siblings, then we have things to fall back on when we hit rock bottom.  But what if we have none of those? What if you have to move and you lose your friend base too?  
There have been times in my life when I have felt truly alone.  Both of my parents were young when they died. My mother died when I was 9.  I have no true siblings.  When I divorced Sean, I left the only comfort I had into a realm of the unknown without any backup plan.  I saw it as a big leap into unlimited possibilities, but the reality was more about struggling alone.  Looking back over the past 14 years since our separation, it was filled with times of weekends and holidays alone when it wasn't my turn with the boys, long horrific fights with boyfriends which left me feeling empty, and eventually moving away from the place where my kids go to school because I could no longer afford to live close to them .
Somehow, through this all, I have managed to thrive and learn more about myself.  I have learned that sometimes I am the only one who can save myself.  I have looked forward to "date nights with myself" because I know they are going to be awesome.  The beginning of my date, I go out and buy myself roses.  Then I get dressed up, and head to my favorite theater, an adult dine in theater in Marina Del Rey.  On the way, I play my favorite songs on my Spotify playlists (no ads if you pay for premium).  I order a martini, have popcorn in a porcelain bowl, and recline in a leather seat and watch a movie. This date is foolproof because I won't miss conversation or sharing a sunset with someone.    I know exactly what I like, where I like to go, what music I like to listen to, and what exercise class makes me feel sexy as soon as I walk in the door.  I also discovered what online dating site worked for me, what diet helped me, what my favorite dessert is, what anti-aging cream makes me look younger, and what it took to get my sexy back. I've also learned how to stay informed on political issues and keeping abreast of world news and also continuing my professional education with limited time constraints.  I think all these things are important to women who are venturing out into the world after leaving a relationship.  
I also believe that a support group is vital.  Even though there were many tears and complaints along the way, the most important element of discourse is encouragement for positive action.  My friends listened to my complaints, but they also encouraged me to move onward.  I have learned not to hate, but forgive.  I have a friendly relationship with my ex, thanks to advice and encouragement from my friends.  I believe this was essential in keeping the stress level down for my kids and also keeping me healthy.  
With this all said, the rest of my blogs will be about encouragement in one of these areas.  I know that single women are busy struggling and juggling careers and families and our time is limited and precious. I will keep my blogs succinct and  hope that it will inspire you to encompass all that it takes to make you happy, healthy and thrive.